The Danger of Travelling Between Dimensions
by feanen
Summary: A very short pastiche I did for a creative writing class. Features Voldemort, an Igor and other characters.


It was a nice day outside Lord Voldemort's secret headquarters; the sun was shining, it was not too stifling hot outside and a flock of birds had not taken up residence in the nearby trees – thus it was pleasingly quiet. Suddenly, there was a flash of bright neon orange and a mind numbing popping sound before everything returned to its previous state. Everything? Not quite. A pink and white lump was now lying on the back lawn. This was not noticed by Lord Voldemort at all as he was occupied at the moment and had no window in his throne room either. "Is there anything else which requires my immediate attention," he asked Lucius Malfoy who was standing next to him with a large stack of paper in his hands. Lucius pulled a letter from the middle of the pile which wobbled dangerously. "Here, Your Malice. This is an invitation to the yearly inter–dimensional villain conference." Lord Voldemort picked up his reading glasses and skimmed the letter: Hereby you are frostily invited…two weeks… Mordor, your number one holiday destination, see leaflet for details…do not forget the area access code when travelling....With all my worst wishes, Lord Sauron of the Middle-Earth dimension.

Voldemort set the invitation down and thought to himself: "Damn, just what I have wanted. Now I will have to try to avoid Vogons (especially that Vogon Jeltz character) who want to read their terrible poetry to me, the Death of the Discworld who has the annoying ability to speak in capital letters all the time (I wonder how he is able to do that.) and of course Sauron and his constant bragging all over again." At this point he was interrupted by the doors being opened. A young woman stepped into the room, frowning at the interior design which was dominated by the colour black.

"My name is Cinderella. Perhaps you know me from several fairy tales," she stopped her introduction with a frown when she noticed Voldemort was not listening but rather gawking at her dress in horror which to him was a real eyesore with its bright pink fabric which in turn was, to top it off, overloaded with white frills and bows. She cleared her throat and continued in a louder, slightly angry voice: "But being a princess in a fairy tale is quite boring, you know, just looking pretty all day and doing exactly nothing. This is why I am looking for new experiences and I read that traveling to different dimensions is supposed to be a very exciting occupation." Voldemort just stared blankly. This is understandable as it is not a daily occurrence for an aspiring world dominator to be confronted with a bored princess who has a horrible sense of fashion. These were the thoughts Lord Voldemort voiced – of course illustrated with some curse words and insults. After all, as a dark lord you have a reputation to uphold. Lord Voldemort's utterance did not overly please the princess. No, Cinderella was utterly insulted. Literally spitting fire, she snipped her fingers and a small glowing fairy in a similar dress and a wand with a star on top appeared immediately. Before Voldemort was able to draw his own wand, he already was a furry, by now absolutely furious rabbit. Ears twitching, the dark lord turned animal glared threateningly at Wormtail who was hanging back in the shadows as he always did. The man got the hint and transfigured his master back to his normal state. Both the fairy and the princess were having a go at the art of trying to catch flies with one's mouth due to the fact that they had not really counted on any other magical beings. Using that distraction to his advantage, Voldemort quickly shot a jinx at the inter-dimensional travelers which turned them into two stones. Having achieved that, the Dark Lord let himself fall back on his throne with a sigh. "I really hate these interruptions from other universes. Send someone to clean that up," he told Wormtail while gesturing to the transfigured princess and fairy. Wormtail went out of the room and soon returned with a peculiar being in tow to which he gave his lord's command.

"I will do that right away, thur." With that the figure with crudely stitched lines generously distributed all over its body scuffled its way out of the throne room, bearing the two rocks. "What was that," a puzzled Voldemort asked. "That was an Igor, Your Malice. It is quite fashionable for any evil lord to have such a servant and so I thought we better should employ one of them, too." Lord Voldemort, still in doubt, leafed through his dog eared copy of _The Concise Guide to Applied World Domination for Evil Witches and Wizards_ until he discovered that chapter 14 corroborated everything Wormtail had just said. "Fair enough, but I have never heard of an Igor before. Are you sure you are correct in that we need an Igor, especially one with that speech impediment," asked the Dark Lord. "Oh yes, yes", Wormtail hastened to assure his master, "the Igors usually occur in the Discworld but Dr. Frankenstein and Dracula had them, too." "Where? Who?" Lord Voldemort was confused. "I discovered them while traveling through a couple of dimensions and-." Wormtail trailed off uncertainly when his lord developed a twitch in his left eye. "If I ever again hear about other dimensions from you, I will crucio you within an inch of your life," Lord Voldemort fumed. "Yes, Your Infuriation," Wormtail said quietly while intently studying the cracks in the floor, "I am sorry. I just thought it would make a good hobby," he added in a small, contrite voice and left the room.


End file.
